What if I say I'm not like the others?

First, the doctor-bullshit update:

Shoulder MRI? Completely normal. So I say to the doctor, "So if it's normal, why does it hurt?" His answer? "I don't know. Do you want to do PT, or see the guy in the office who specializes in shoulders and is in fact giving a lecture on shoulders at a conference at this very minute?" I opted for the shoulder guy, and spared a minute to wonder why the receptionist didn't book me with him in the first place - considering I told her I needed to have my shoulder checked out!

Other stuff: I went to the new doctor, and holy god, my blood pressure and pulse were normal. That hasn't happened at the doctor's office for years. She sat, listened to everything, asked some questions my other doctor didn't bother to ask, poked and prodded, and is having me set up for a CT scan. She is much more willing to work with me to find an answer - but, was honest enough to tell me that nothing in medicine is 100%. I looked at her, and said "Yeah, but I'd settle for like, 75 or so", and she laughed and said "I'll bet we can at least do that."

So I feel better about that. Still hurt, still feel like crap, but, progress has been made.

This weekend, I'm going to a bachelorette party and the wedding - the party being the one I mentioned the scrapbook was requested. I still don't do overly emotional stuff, so I am opting to stop at the liquor store and bring my friend a very nice bottle of something alcoholic. I figure it's still in line with the bachelorette party theme, but does not make me want to vomit to think about it. And, I know it won't be unappreciated. I talked with Rabbit, who is one of the bridesmaids, and she agrees that a bottle of booze would not come amiss - being as how our mutual friend s well aware of how I view things like "scrapbooking" and "special memories" and "girly shit", and also happens to share my taste in beverages.

I don't like bachelorette parties anyway. Well, not ones with OMG PENIS PENIS PENIS LET'S DO RIDICULOUS THINGS IN PUBLIC PENIS PENIS PIE themes, anyway. Honestly, for mine, I am content to get together a bunch of my friends, of all genders, and go out to a bar and drink. That's it. Not a club, no games, nothing. Or maybe, go to a casino, drink, and gamble. That's it. Like, we don't need to giggle over the fact that I'm going to have sex; we're not sixteen and I've had it before. Nor do we really need to make fools of ourselves in public. It is really just unnecessary.

Also, why the hell is it that whenever I find a pair of jeans I adore, they promptly discontinue them? Like, my Gap boot-cut button-flys? Discontinued. My Venezia Supremes? Discontinued. Swear to god, they wait until I buy it, then stop it. Hate that.

Other than that, Jay's coming over tonight, which is nice, so he can keep me warm. I am enjoying the fact that the nights have been chilly again. Very much so.

Why I am angry

I'm less angry than I was last week, although still mightily pissy. My level of tolerance for bullshit is at near-record low levels, people.

As for why I am angry, a lot of it revolves around my health and my work (surprise!). The health issues are ongoing, which is why I am angry about them. Basically, I can handle being sick or unhealthy for about a week - maybe two if I'm so sick that I sleep twenty out of twenty-four hours. After a week, by god, I should be feeling better. So, since I've had a shoulder that's screwed up for three months, and random kidney-abdominal-what-the-fuck pain in my back and "suprapubic area" (no lie, that is what my doctor called it; I think it's great), I'd like to shoot something.

Also frustrating is the medical establishment. I had to harass the woman in the shoulder specialists' office for a month before my MRI was scheduled. For two weeks, she was talking to the insurance to get it covered, so okay. But the last two weeks? I know the insurance approved it, because they sent me a letter saying so. Right.

As for the kidneyesque shit, it hasn't gone away. It got slightly better two weeks ago, so I thought maybe I really was on the mend. That would be why I didn't call my doctor to schedule the CT scan on the 4th - 'cause I felt a bit better.

Last Thursday, I didn't go to work, I slept all day. Friday, I woke up in the worst pain in those areas I've had since I first got diagnosed with a freakin' UTI. So I promptly called my doctor's office, and, like she had asked me originally, left a message for her saying that we should go ahead and schedule the CT scan. Again, this was Friday. Morning.

It is now Tuesday, and I have not heard from her. So, I found myself a new PCP and have an appointment with her tomorrow. I am hoping that I will like her more than my last PCP.

I also called the shoulder specialists' office and made an appointment with that doctor to go over the MRI I finally had on Friday. I would like to share, that the tech said I did a very good job and held very still. What she doesn't realize is that this MRI, while it is true that I was in pain through it, was a hell of a lot less painful than the last one I had. That time it was for my back, and, at the time, I didn't know that I had two herniated discs. Right.

Thankfully, my boss is awesome, so I've been keeping her updated with what's going on, and she's 100% okay with me not working tomorrow morning and instead going to both doctors. She is also convinced that I have a kidney stone, but we shall see.

As for the work reasons for angry, basically, I'm filling in for a job that's not mine, but it's in an area that we're short-staffed. It's a support position, and there's one other guy in there who is full-time. The problem is that full-time guy wants to take not a whole lot of responsibility for doing, y'know, his job, which drives me up the damn wall. Any time he can pass a support issue off to someone else, he does, which is so not what he's supposed to be doing. He just is not showing a lot of initiative in figuring out issues, learning stuff, etc., which is highly disappointing. He also seems to be assuming that I'm going to pick up as much as a full-time person, and I am so not, because I so do not have time, because I'm doing all of my regular full-time job - this is just icing on the cake and a favor to my boss (which yes, I know, I know).

I'm also frustrated with another group that's testing all of our applications for next year's planned major OS upgrade, since I have to tell them information six times. I finally got to the point with one of their questions that I simply replied "Please see the attached email of [date] for the answers to your question, which I have already provided to you", and attached the previous email I sent them. Two weeks later, I got the same exact question, from the same exact person.

But my company wants to outsource more IT support. Good plan, oh yeah, excellent idea, it's really worked well so far.

And finally, I'm upset because while I like my job, and I love the people I work with, it's so not what I want to be doing with my life right now. I don't hate it or anything, but I do get frustrated with people not taking responsibility, action, or, y'know, writing shit down, and I get frustrated because I have to work, but it's not what I want to be doing.

That's pretty much it. Just a lot of crap, and a lot of stress, and a lot of feeling blah, and it all really dumped on my head on Wednesday. It's a good thing Jay is so patient, because I highly doubt that I've been extremely pleasant to deal with over the past week.

fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you

You ever have one of those days, where it sucks ass and you're ready to shoot something even before you get out of bed, and it just goes downhill from there?

Yeah.

I am going to bed now to avoid any further bullshit. I'm so angry I don't even want to talk about it right now.

fuck yeah

Ah god, I love football season.

I get reminded of things from books all the time

There's a certain statue at my alma mater that, local lore has it, will come to life and disappear if a virgin ever graduates.

I remember being told this as a fresh-faced 18-year-old, straight from the Midwest and convicted as all hell, and I determined that the statue would finally leave on my graduation day, if the stories were true.

It didn't, because neither did I.

seriously

Yo rice. You done been in the slow cooker with the chicken on high for three hours, with extra liquid in the sauce so that you could soak it the fuck up. Is there a reason you're not done besides "I hate you"?