Wednesday, July 14, 2004

And you use it only for me

My new job requires that I fairly frequently work overnight shifts, from 11 pm until 9 am. I don't have a problem with that; I'm a natural night-owl anyway.

My first shift like that is actually tonight, which made for a fun past day or so. Yesterday, I had a meeting at work at 11 in the morning. To adjust my sleep schedule so I'd be up all night tonight, that meant that I stayed up about all night last night.

Translation: I was going to bed just before J was supposed to be getting up for work.

I'm sure some of you can already tell where that went. And went it did. I'd been feeling, shall we say, amourous, that day anyway, but for one reason or another hadn't gotten the opportunity to act on it. Well, not directly at least. Dinner that night was interesting as all hell, but that's probably going to be a separate entry in the interests of time here.

I crawled into bed with J, causing him to somewhat wake up. I wasn't worried; he had to be up in 45 minutes anyway. I chattered a bit, as I usually to do him when I go to bed. It's an easy way for me to clear out my head of any last thoughts, comments, or observations before I sleep. It doesn't even really matter if he responds; it's more about me getting these things out there. He sort of nodded and grunted along as I became more incoherent - I'd been awake for 22 hours, and was starting to slide into delerious.

That little amourous notion came back to visit me though, before I really dropped off, so made with the snuggling and penis-stroking. In case I haven't made it clear before, I love that J and I sleep naked together. Makes seduction much, much easier. Unfortunately, J wasn't too awake - although his cock certainly was - so I wound up dropping off before he moved very much.

I woke up shortly afterwards to hands - hands on my breasts, hands on my thighs, my ass, my back, my neck and ears, my clit... oh, good morning, J. Being only half-awake myself, it took me a bit to realize what exactly was going on. I just knew that I liked it and wanted more.

Neither of us said anything. J's not very talkative at the best of times, and I was more incoherent than normal - the combination of exhaustion and arousal is a powerful one. My mind is about shut down, so the only input it's getting is sensation. No thoughts, no worries, not even listening to what's going on around me. I just feel.

Everything had a very dream-like quality to it - the pale light coming from the windows, my blurred vision and mind, a silent, stoic man fucking me with three fingers while holding me down... It was unbelievably intense. I didn't even know what I want, and if I had, I wouldn't have been able to express it. I was just a huge ball of want and need and whimpering. I absolutely love when he reduces me to that, when I am nothing more than His and needing Him, a completely and utterly submissive and sexual being.

I passed out almost immediately after a shocking orgasm; hopefully I didn't scream too loudly. When J came home from work today, I was awake again, and the slow, satisfied smile on his face when he looked at me was delicious. He has a way of making me feel like a veritable goddess - the only woman he would think of looking at, the most attractive, sexy, beautiful woman on earth, and the only one worthy of being His. Seeing that look sets off a bloom of pleasure and joy, somewhere deep inside, so that I feel like I'm radiating this golden aura of pleased happiness. I know that I've pleased him, and by so doing, pleased myself.

I needed that.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Sass that Hooptie

Saw Spider-Man 2 last night, through a semi-odd set of circumstances.

All week since he's moved into university housing, A has been calling and IMing me. Nearly constantly. I don't usually answer my phone on a regular day, and when I know it's him calling, I answer it less. I'm not a phone person to begin with, and I just do not have the energy in me to console and therapize A. He's desperately, desperately needy, and if I'm a bad person because I don't want him clinging on to me and draining me, so be it.

Turns out that his birthday is this week, and he wanted to go out this past weekend to "see a movie or something" and that he'd pay for whoever showed up. I admit, I winced. Movies aren't one of my favorite things, A isn't one of my favorite people, and I was going to feel bad going or not going. I didn't want him to pay, but I didn't want to not go, because it was the poor man's birthday and I wanted to at least try, in a marginal way, to make him happy.

Broached the subject to J and V, who agreed to go with. I picked Spider-Man 2 because it seemed like the movie least likely to offend anyone's sensibilities in this motley group. I had less of a "no desire" to see it than just about anything else out there, really. Spidey is cool and all, but I've always been more of a Batman girl.

Met A at the theater and walked into the movie just as they started the previews. V and I sat next to each other, and that was probably a bad idea. We proceeded to make snarky comments on all of the previews - not that we could help it; some of them were ridiculous. There's some movie coming out with Angelina Jolie wearing an eyepatch and Gwynyth Paltrow as some sort of detective straight out of the 30's and 40's, where there's zeppelins and aliens who are destrying the earth and all sorts of other shite. Our question was where the fuck did this come from. I do almost want to see I, Robot though, if only because Will Smith in action movies like that is nearly always entertaining.

Spider-Man itself was entertaining for all of the wrong reasons. I don't think I've ever seen a movie that had so many theatrical, blood-curdling screams in it. We discussed it after the movie, and decided that if we saw a huge guy with four metallic, robotic arms with pincers and blades and crap coming out of them charging at us with a look of impending doom on his face, our reaction would not be to let loose with a perfect scream. If we could get anything out, it would be along the lines of "oh fuck". But screams there were, as well as fabulous special effects. As well as unbeleivably awkward "character" moments, like when Aunt May talks about heroes, or nearly any scene between Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. Being inappropriate beings in rare form, we laughed. A lot.

We laughed a lot after the movie as well, because we were taking the theatrical scream bit to new heights. Some times I don't think they should allow the three of us out in public. A seemed entertained - I know for a fact that he doesn't laugh, per se, but he was smiling and generally seeming amused. We gave him a ride home, since it was already after midnight, and headed home ourselves to settle in for a night of more videogames. Because we too are losers and dorks.

Despite my personal feelings towards him, I do hope A had a decent time last night. Like I said, he seemed amused and to be enjoying himself. Even if we'd wanted to, we couldn't hang around last night; J had work and V and I have things to do (which we haven't started yet, but that's a minor point). But we did at least go out and enjoy ourselves, and hopefully helped A enjoy himself a little bit too. Dammit, I just want people to be happy.

In other news, V says that I should withold sex from J until he gets his hair cut, as he is a shaggy beast with a near-mullet happening right now. J and I just exchanged Looks and started making out on the couch as V entertained himself with his new PS2.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Benign neglect

Thankfully, one area of stress in my life is gone - and that's the "oh god I need a new job" area. My last job (and career field) quite frankly was killing me. I hated it, I hated the people I worked with, I hated the work that I did, I wasn't interested in a goddamned thing about it, and I was getting really weary of getting nauseous on my way to work in the morning, as well as waking up with a hurting jaw from grinding my teeth all night.

So I completely switched career fields, to something that is much better suited for me. Result: a much happier french, even if a bit poorer.

Because of the madness of a new job/ending job search, as well as last weekend have four people staying in the house - on top of the usual three that are here - neither sex nor blogging have been at the top of my mind.

But now that things are settling down, I've half a mind to turn around and jump the very cute and very asleep J behind me. I know for a fact that he's a very big fan of being woken up by a blowjob or other "sexual activity", shall we say. Perhaps I'll get to that, and have something else to write about.

Sunday, July 04, 2004


Well, found out Friday that I'm not pregnant.

Oh, not that I was worried. That little test was part of a screening I underwent on Friday, because I am likely going to participate in a clinical trial of a new HIV vaccine. Before anyone freaks out, no, there is no way that I could possibly get HIV or AIDS from this vaccine. None. They don't even use parts of the real virus. Nothing. Nada. No chance, zero zip. (Can you tell that I've had to explain this a lot, and am getting lazy? Yes indeed.)

I deliberately scheduled that for Friday afternoon. Why? Well, since Wednesday, there has been a veritable parade of guests in my home, and I fucking hate it.

Well, the only thing I really hate about it is that a "fake internet friend" of mine - a guy I know from online, who knows some other people I knew online and then met and really befriended in real life - is staying here. He's... interesting. Not that I didn't know that beforehand; when he asked to stay here I asked J with that tone in my voice that said "I'd really rather not this happened" if he could stay here, and J of course missed the tone completely and said "Sure!" Stupid me. One of these days I should grow more of a spine and not be nice for nice's sake.

Anyway, A, as we shall call him, is staying here for about a week. He's from the UK, and is over here for university summer classes. Given what I know about him, I have no idea how he's paying for any of this, because he hasn't really... well, ever worked. Not my problem though. He's staying in the third bedroom - my sewing/creativity room, and that irks me no end, because that's really the only room in the entire house that's really just about entirely mine, and here's this semi-alcoholic nicotine-and-7uP-fiend staying in there. Awesome.

It would be easier of A meshed with my friends, but he doesn't. At. All. Totally different personality, interests, sense of humor. Makes for a few awkward moments. Granted, he's my age, but he apparently already has a kid (who the fuck knew? Not me.) and has such a completely different view of the world that half the time we sound incomprehensible to each other. I'm trying to console myself with the fact that he's moving into university housing tomorrow, but right now I just want to shoot something. Really healthy anger expression, that is.

On top of that, V's boyfriend is in town, and two of our other friends are staying here for the holiday weekend as well. Words cannot express how awesome I find this. I get the feeling that if I weren't so on edge with A staying here, I'd be fine with the other three. M just stays in V's bedroom, and the other two friends crash in the living room, a room in which I have no personal stake. That and they have, you know, social skills.

Gah. I really do need to learn to be nice only when I want it, and not when I think I should be.