Number 19 - someone who pesters your mind - good or bad

Oh Hal -

We, are going to get ourselves in to trouble.

Do I show up in your dreams, the way you show up in mine?  Do you wake up with my name on your lips and the uncanny sensation that if you open your eyes, you'll see me in your bed, the way I think I'll see you in mine?  When we touch, do you feel the same certain, unshakeable peace that I do?  That unutterable sense of right-ness?

I remain firmly convinced that you and I have known each other before, boyo.  You are so familiar to me, and have been from day one in this go-round.  When we first met, I was obsessed with figuring out who you were to me before, and the longer I know you, the less important that is.  I'm more interested in figuring out who you are now, in this life, for good or ill.  Who and what you will be to me this time.

I wonder that no one else talks about it.  What seems so obvious to me - does no one else see it?  Am I imagining everything?  Is this all some flight of my own fancy?  I feel as if we are pushing the limits of acceptable behavior so far, and yet no one has commented on it to me.  I have heard no gossip.  There have been no negative consequences and I cannot imagine that what we are doing really wouldn't be subject to any.  Am I really that wrong?

Do you know that the only other person who uses possessives in conjunction with my name is my husband?

Do you want me to be yours in more than words?

I know that the situation demands not only that we not be anything more to each other, but also that you not disclose any more than you already have.  My intuition is telling me that you'd like very much to do and be more with me, but I like hearing the words.  And no matter how often I am right, I doubt my own intuition very much.  I doubt my read of the situation without independent verification.

Do you think of me?  Do you reach out and wish you could touch me?  Do you want to call me a thousand times a day just to share a thought, an observation, something you know I'll laugh at?  Do you go home on the nights we work together, and smell just that hint of me on your clothes, on your skin, and does it make you smile?  Do you wonder how I taste?  Do you wonder what would happen if we kissed?

Do you fantasize about me?  Do you wonder what it would be like to touch all of me?  Do you wonder what it would feel like if I were touching all of you?

Do you wonder if I'm kinky, and how I'm kinky?  Do you think about what I'd look like with a collar around my neck and the leash in your hands?  What it would feel like to have me call you "Sir" and not just be kidding?  What it would feel like to have my lips around your cock and my hands on your skin and to fist your hands in my hair and finally, finally take me?  Do you wonder what kind of magic, what kind of fireworks we could make together?

I don't trust easily, and I trusted you from the moment we met.  I don't often let others touch me, and I let you touch me from the moment we met.  I know you, darling, I know you very well.

Do you know me?

Do you want to?

with love,

~Mme.

Number 7 - Your ex-

Frenzy -

I admit to having some mixed feelings about you.  I admit to indulging in some serious schadenfreude when I found out that you were married and miserable.  I admit that every once in a while, I miss you.

You were the first one to teach me that yes, people found me attractive.  That in and of itself makes our probably-doomed-from-the-start relationship worth it.  You liked me.  You wanted to kiss me.  And no one had ever been in my life like that before.

I didn't quite know what to do with that at the time.

Looking back, I can see the seeds of the person I am today in the person I was then, and know, with no sadness, that we wouldn't have been happy together for any significant length of time.  Our paths are for different destinations, even though we were beside each other for a while.  And having realized that, I can't be mad at you for not being able to give me what I needed.  It's not who you are, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

So, my memories of you are largely fond, and I can only hope you think of me the same way.
And wherever your path leads you, may the walk be good.

~s.

Number 1 - Your best friend

SN-

I need to get drunk with you right fucking now because there are so fucking many stupid asshats in this world I can't even.

-SN2

Thirty letters

I've seen this meme on a few other blogs, but originally on Britni's.  The idea is that over the course of thirty days, you write thirty letters, each to someone different.  The list is as follows:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush/ Boyfriend
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I hated writing assignments in school, and I don't do deadlines or dailies very well, but I like the concept.  When I have ideas for what at least half of these would look like, after just looking at the list, clearly I need to participate.  There's a lot to work with here, and I think "interesting" would be just the tip of the iceberg.

Still, I'm not going to do one every day, nor am I going to do them in order, I think.  I might not even do all of them.  But, there are some I definitely want to write.

Maybe even send.

So over the next while, you'll see some of these popping up on the blog.  They won't be "Day such-and-such", they'll be "Number such-and-such", and they'll be tagged.  Let's see how far the rabbit hole goes, hmmm?