The intersection of feminism and kink has come up a lot this past week in the blogosphere - at least the parts I frequent - and naturally, someone has already posted and included a lot of the thoughts I have.
Not all of them, but a lot of them.
Anyway, I highly recommend that y'all read this over at Sugarbutch.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Blah.
I'm not sure when it got to be 2 am, and how it got to be 2 am without my getting done much of anything I wanted to. The lights still aren't on the Christmas tree, laundry is still unfinished, the new computer still isn't set up... but hey, I tagged a whole bunch of posts and read a whole lot of crap on the internet!
*sigh*
I also have like, no Christmas presents bought for anyone - for most people, I have ZERO IDEA what I'm going to get them. My house is a mess and I'm having people over in early January, I don't know what I'm going to bake, this coming week at work is going to be insane...
Eh. Whatever. I think I'm going to go to bed.
*sigh*
I also have like, no Christmas presents bought for anyone - for most people, I have ZERO IDEA what I'm going to get them. My house is a mess and I'm having people over in early January, I don't know what I'm going to bake, this coming week at work is going to be insane...
Eh. Whatever. I think I'm going to go to bed.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Bitten
The first clue I had that perhaps my attaction to Hal was not entirely of the platonic sort was when he mentioned his fangs.
I have a very sensitive neck, and sensitive ears as well. Jay has made me squirm and shriek just by coming near them, and a breath across the right patch of skin raises goosebumps down the entire corresponding side of my body, something which Jay finds endlessly entertaining. I'm rather protective of these areas, as goosebumps are not my idea of fun very often.
Perhaps that's why I like to be bitten - having my ears gently gnawed, or my neck tenderly nibbled - or not so tenderly - is quite arousing for me. Having other parts bitten is enjoyable as well, but the sensitivity of the skin on my neck and ears adds something to the deal. Having my neck bitten makes my eyes roll back in my head as my entire body shudders in pleasure, my breath coming hot and heavy.
When I first met Hal, we immediately clicked. You know how it is with some people, where you know immediately upon meeting them that they are absolutely supposed to be a part of your life and there was a part of you just waiting for them to show up? That kind of click. If it weren't for the circumstances under which I met him, which prohibit our having anything other than a professional relationship right now, he'd immediately have taken his place as one of my best friends ever. He'd be the kind of friend to spend the night at the bar with me, take in a Sox game, just hang out and play video games, and have geeky, intense, ridiculous conversations with late at night. He would be, as I told him, one of "the posse".
We discovered early on that we're geeky in so many similar ways, although he has an unfortunate preference for Spider-Man rather than Batman. We discussed games, and more comics, etc. and so on and were talking more about our personal lives when he mentioned the pair of fangs he owns.
My fevered little brain immediately granted me the image and sensation of him using those fangs on my neck.
Up until that moment, I would have sworn - in fact, did, to Vinnie - that everything was strictly platonic. I was mostly kidding myself, I think; most of our conversations consisted of the sort of flirting one sees in the "I make fun of you because I like you" stage, although I really was somewhat convinced that it didn't mean anything other than two friends good-naturedly ragging on each other. Clearly, my body and mind had other ideas, as they have frequently told me since.
I have a very sensitive neck, and sensitive ears as well. Jay has made me squirm and shriek just by coming near them, and a breath across the right patch of skin raises goosebumps down the entire corresponding side of my body, something which Jay finds endlessly entertaining. I'm rather protective of these areas, as goosebumps are not my idea of fun very often.
Perhaps that's why I like to be bitten - having my ears gently gnawed, or my neck tenderly nibbled - or not so tenderly - is quite arousing for me. Having other parts bitten is enjoyable as well, but the sensitivity of the skin on my neck and ears adds something to the deal. Having my neck bitten makes my eyes roll back in my head as my entire body shudders in pleasure, my breath coming hot and heavy.
When I first met Hal, we immediately clicked. You know how it is with some people, where you know immediately upon meeting them that they are absolutely supposed to be a part of your life and there was a part of you just waiting for them to show up? That kind of click. If it weren't for the circumstances under which I met him, which prohibit our having anything other than a professional relationship right now, he'd immediately have taken his place as one of my best friends ever. He'd be the kind of friend to spend the night at the bar with me, take in a Sox game, just hang out and play video games, and have geeky, intense, ridiculous conversations with late at night. He would be, as I told him, one of "the posse".
We discovered early on that we're geeky in so many similar ways, although he has an unfortunate preference for Spider-Man rather than Batman. We discussed games, and more comics, etc. and so on and were talking more about our personal lives when he mentioned the pair of fangs he owns.
My fevered little brain immediately granted me the image and sensation of him using those fangs on my neck.
Up until that moment, I would have sworn - in fact, did, to Vinnie - that everything was strictly platonic. I was mostly kidding myself, I think; most of our conversations consisted of the sort of flirting one sees in the "I make fun of you because I like you" stage, although I really was somewhat convinced that it didn't mean anything other than two friends good-naturedly ragging on each other. Clearly, my body and mind had other ideas, as they have frequently told me since.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Everyone loves mail, part II
Arriving in the mail today, courtesy of my credit card and the fine folks at Blowfish:
As for the previous mail, we did in fact try out the new clamps on Monday night. I was sitting on the couch wasting time and half-watching the football game (serious Patriots, that was not your best outing) when Jay walks in with the new clamps delicately jingling in his hand and says "Take off your shirt."
Oh. Well then.
I give him a conflicted look and took it off, then asked him why he said I should take it off.
"Because they you can take off your bra."
Oh.
The bra comes off and Jay moves over by me to put on the clamps. The good news: the clamps are adjustable and since this week is apparently "Pain is GREAT" week for my nipples, they felt fantastic. The bad news is that my nipples are bigger than I thought (and I will swear that they're bigger than they used to be) and so the clamps don't really fit on them. I stood up and they both promptly fell off.
Not to be deterred, Jay shooed me in to the bedroom and bid me remove the rest of my clothing, whereupon he clipped them to my labia, where they could again delicately jingle. They still felt really good (like, really good; it's just apparently "Pain is GREAT" week for all of my body) but the jingling kind of broke my head. Every time I breathed there would be this gentle chiming from the rings as they swayed and hit each other, and I found it juuust a bit disconcerting.
My head got broken even worse when he clipped the rings together. Oh goody, just what a sadist always wanted, a fucking handle. And yes, I do mean that in both senses.
- A miniature "I Rub My Fishie" - did y'all know that it comes with its own shower shelf? It totally does. I think it's going to live in our shower (ps living by ourselves is AWESOME)
- A Feeldoe
As for the previous mail, we did in fact try out the new clamps on Monday night. I was sitting on the couch wasting time and half-watching the football game (serious Patriots, that was not your best outing) when Jay walks in with the new clamps delicately jingling in his hand and says "Take off your shirt."
Oh. Well then.
I give him a conflicted look and took it off, then asked him why he said I should take it off.
"Because they you can take off your bra."
Oh.
The bra comes off and Jay moves over by me to put on the clamps. The good news: the clamps are adjustable and since this week is apparently "Pain is GREAT" week for my nipples, they felt fantastic. The bad news is that my nipples are bigger than I thought (and I will swear that they're bigger than they used to be) and so the clamps don't really fit on them. I stood up and they both promptly fell off.
Not to be deterred, Jay shooed me in to the bedroom and bid me remove the rest of my clothing, whereupon he clipped them to my labia, where they could again delicately jingle. They still felt really good (like, really good; it's just apparently "Pain is GREAT" week for all of my body) but the jingling kind of broke my head. Every time I breathed there would be this gentle chiming from the rings as they swayed and hit each other, and I found it juuust a bit disconcerting.
My head got broken even worse when he clipped the rings together. Oh goody, just what a sadist always wanted, a fucking handle. And yes, I do mean that in both senses.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Everyone loves mail.
Arriving in the mail today:
Jay spent some more quality time last night pinching and twisting them, to the same reaction. His comment was "You know, I've always been told that nipples aren't faucets, but damned if they don't work that way on you." It doesn't work that way all the time, but hooo boy am I going to enjoy it while it does.
It's kind of a pity that Monday Night Football is on, because otherwise I'd so totally be in bed convincing Jay to try out the nipple clamps on me.
Actually... we live by ourselves, and the shades are closed. HMMM.
- An assortment of spreader bars, including a couple of 4" ones, for which we have some very specific purposes in mind
- Adjustable nipple clamps with 1" metal rings dangling from them
- A small bottle of Liquid Silk lube
Jay spent some more quality time last night pinching and twisting them, to the same reaction. His comment was "You know, I've always been told that nipples aren't faucets, but damned if they don't work that way on you." It doesn't work that way all the time, but hooo boy am I going to enjoy it while it does.
It's kind of a pity that Monday Night Football is on, because otherwise I'd so totally be in bed convincing Jay to try out the nipple clamps on me.
Actually... we live by ourselves, and the shades are closed. HMMM.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Seriously, what the hell.
Why is it that some times, Jay pinching and twisting my nipples makes me scream in pain, and some times (like last night) it is the HOTTEST MOST WONDERFUL THING EVER.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
On maturity
I wasn't kidding when I said that 2009 was the year of men in my life. There's a lot to unpack with that, so I'm going to try to not blow the entire load in one entry because that would be silly (blogging hang-ups: I haz them), but I do want to talk about it.
First and foremost, Jay and I got married early this year. That didn't really change our relationship (except legally), I don't think. We've been together for most of the past 10 years (ten years! TEN YEARS, dear god, ten years). We've lived together, lived apart, shared bills, slept in the same bed practically since we met each other, been to each other's family gatherings and holidays and weddings and funerals, and been a linked pair in most of our family's and friends' minds for a long time now.
People keep asking me how it feels to be married, as if it were some life-altering totally radical change in our relationship. I don't have an answer for them, because it did not radically alter our relationship. We giggle that we're married, and are ridiculous entertained by referring to each other as "husband" and "wife". Yes, we're twelve, what of it? But the fundamentals of our relationship have not changed. I refer to him as my partner for a number of reasons, but first and foremost because that's what he is. We've both worked hard - damned hard - to have a relationship of equals, and just because cultural baggage says we're not, doesn't mean I want that.
What it has changed, however, is our relationship to other people.
First and foremost, Jay and I got married early this year. That didn't really change our relationship (except legally), I don't think. We've been together for most of the past 10 years (ten years! TEN YEARS, dear god, ten years). We've lived together, lived apart, shared bills, slept in the same bed practically since we met each other, been to each other's family gatherings and holidays and weddings and funerals, and been a linked pair in most of our family's and friends' minds for a long time now.
People keep asking me how it feels to be married, as if it were some life-altering totally radical change in our relationship. I don't have an answer for them, because it did not radically alter our relationship. We giggle that we're married, and are ridiculous entertained by referring to each other as "husband" and "wife". Yes, we're twelve, what of it? But the fundamentals of our relationship have not changed. I refer to him as my partner for a number of reasons, but first and foremost because that's what he is. We've both worked hard - damned hard - to have a relationship of equals, and just because cultural baggage says we're not, doesn't mean I want that.
What it has changed, however, is our relationship to other people.
I'm told the term I'm looking for may be "Saturn Return"
I've been working my way through the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009, and discovering lots and lots of fantabulous new reading material.
My blogroll is sadly out of date.
Hell, this blog is sadly out date. Yes, it's been well over a year since I've posted here. At the time I really dropped off, August of 2008, I had moved with Jay to a crappy tiny apartment, I had a crappy job that sucked the life out of me (almost literally; I wound up distressingly ill while working it), my life was a mess.
Clearly, some things have changed.
There's so much to write about! 2009 has been the year of men in my life! We moved to a brand new apartment that has a room we're seriously considering making a semi-permanent playroom! There are hooks more or less permanently attached to the head and footboards! Jay and I got officially married! I have a much better job, that while I hate it, doesn't make me sick! I have been thinking about and wanting and having sex again!
Seriously. Part of my adult identity has been my libido and sexual tastes, and for a while they were just... gone. It was fairly distressing. Added to all of the other things that were fucking my shit up last year, and the tail end of 2008 and, if we're honest, probably the first half of 2009 were a head-fuck of gigantic proportions.
But now that things have started progressing again, it occurs to me that having this self-created safe space to verbally work out some of the things in my head and in my life is probably a helpful, useful thing, and it probably behooves me to utilize it.
So. I'm back.
And updating my damn blogroll, jaysus christ that thing is a mess.
My blogroll is sadly out of date.
Hell, this blog is sadly out date. Yes, it's been well over a year since I've posted here. At the time I really dropped off, August of 2008, I had moved with Jay to a crappy tiny apartment, I had a crappy job that sucked the life out of me (almost literally; I wound up distressingly ill while working it), my life was a mess.
Clearly, some things have changed.
There's so much to write about! 2009 has been the year of men in my life! We moved to a brand new apartment that has a room we're seriously considering making a semi-permanent playroom! There are hooks more or less permanently attached to the head and footboards! Jay and I got officially married! I have a much better job, that while I hate it, doesn't make me sick! I have been thinking about and wanting and having sex again!
Seriously. Part of my adult identity has been my libido and sexual tastes, and for a while they were just... gone. It was fairly distressing. Added to all of the other things that were fucking my shit up last year, and the tail end of 2008 and, if we're honest, probably the first half of 2009 were a head-fuck of gigantic proportions.
But now that things have started progressing again, it occurs to me that having this self-created safe space to verbally work out some of the things in my head and in my life is probably a helpful, useful thing, and it probably behooves me to utilize it.
So. I'm back.
And updating my damn blogroll, jaysus christ that thing is a mess.
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I'm a 20-something feminist switch who tends toward the sub side, living with my hetero life mate/fellow switch/husband, and just trying to figure out what the hell's going on. This is a sex blog, but not strictly a sex blog, because sex is but a part of my life, even though it all ties together. Since I do talk about sex and other related topics, this blog is for adults only, please.
