Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Well that's nice

Somehow it always seems like there's so many things that are higher on the priority list or in the way of sex and sex-time around here.

For example! I have turned down sex because I really, really needed to go grocery shopping.  Yes right that very minute.

I mean, yeah, we needed food, but it's not like it couldn't have been rescheduled until the next day.  We weren't going to starve overnight.

The hell of it is, it always seems like such a good idea at the time, to put off sex.  Like, yeah, let me just do this one thing and then I'll come back and we'll pick up where we left off.  I need to get some responsible adult on.

We never.  EVER.  pick up where we left off.

How can we?  We're not in the same space and place anymore.  I've gone off and distracted myself and Jay and done something else and there's no getting it back.

I fear that if I give in to sex whenever I want it, I will never, ever get anything under the "responsible adult" category done, such as grocery shopping, laundry, or cleaning.  And one thing I've learned about myself over the years is that I need to get a minimum level of responsible adult stuff done in order to feel like a functional, healthy human being.  (I am fully aware that this is my hang-up, and don't expect it to be anyone else's).  Like, if there's not enough food in the house, I freak. out..  I have noticed a distinct correlation between my mental state and the amount of clutter in the house, or dishes, etc.

To be honest, this is really just scratching the surface of why my sex life has been, well, fairly non-existent lately. There was the emergency house re-wiring that took two weeks and tore everything up (including our playroom, and I haven't had the spoons to go up there and clean yet), there's the fact that my job has me burnt the hell out and therefore I could probably go to a psychiatrist and walk out with a Major Depression diagnosis (if not anything else - but again, my hang-ups about getting diagnosed are my own), the fact that we've just been busy.  There was not a single night last week where we were home for dinner.  Not a single one in seven days.  For my introverted ass, that is a LOT.  And it cuts down on sex times!  There's the fact that ever since my last period, any sort of breast bondage or torture is extremely, exquisitely painful for me, and not in the good way.

The obvious answer is "well then reprioritize", and I'm not sure I want to.  I mean, I want to, but, effort, you know?  And a lot of what we've been doing I like that we're doing.  And overcoming inertia is very, very difficult (physics ftw!)

Just... yeah.

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