Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Coming up for air

J and I have kissed and made up - he apologized to me for making a mess while I was gone, and I apologized to him for being an unholy bitch for three days. Maybe one of these days I will grow up, be mature, and not go into a three-day horror-fest because of some dishes and newspapers, but I am not figuring on that day being any time soon.

Since we've made up, I got to do that bone-jumping I was looking forward to all week, and it was a-mazing for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it was put off for a while, so I was craving it moreso than usual. Secondly, it started off with a round of make-up sex. Make-up sex is one of the best things on the planet. It's sex, but it's sex that you're all emotional about, because you're reconnecting with the person you love that you were just fighting with and you want nothing more than to make them happy in return for the shitfire you just put them through, and they're trying to do the same to you. If it weren't for the fact that I really don't like fighting with J, I would have make-up sex all the damn time.

Thirdly, it was amazing because I begged. Yeah, that's right, I begged. I begged for sex, I begged for cock, I begged for an orgasm. Excuse me for a moment, because just thinking about it is getting me hot and horny again.

I don't always beg. Okay, well, I always begged that one weekend, but other than that, it's fairly spontaneous. I'm not always in the mood - nor am I always capable of speech (yes, the sex is that good; no, I have no qualms about mentioning it). But the circumstances, to my mind, rather called for it. I felt that it was a good way to show J that I still loved and respected him, my behavior of the past few days completely aside. And as I mentioned above, I love doing it.

There is something unbelievably honest and submissive and true about begging to get fucked, about begging to be allowed to cum from fucking (or anything else). I think it requires a lot of knowledge about who and what you are (J's slut!) as well as a certain amount of courage to admit what you want (cock! fuck mefuckmefuckme!). Let's be real here, true sexual freedom is not the norm, and good girls don't even know the words "cock", "fuck", etc. and so on, much less verbalize their desires for them.

That's part of the reason I don't always beg. I'm not always that in-touch with my inner submissive. Some times, the public persona is firmly in control, and I meet J as an equal, in bed and out. Things are still okay if I do. But I can't help but notice that when I do beg out of nowhere, he seems to like it an awful lot.

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