Saturday, July 24, 2010


I probably shouldn't be surprised that I've been having the dreams I've been having lately.  First, everyone seems to be having vivid dreams lately, especially last weekend and in to this week.  Secondly, it's been a hell of a week.  I'm stressed, but almost touching on euphoric, really.

Monday I worked with Hal again.  I like to think our relationship is maturing, seeing as how we are now capable of getting things done while laughing and falling all over ourselves.  It's kind of nice, actually.

What was not nice - and I don't mean that negatively, just that "nice" isn't the word at all - was that on Monday, we wound up not talking.  Probably because we were busy gazing in to each others' eyes.  Like, seriously gazing.  There are a number of reasons that Hal is off-limits right now, but oh good lord, that boy is dangerous.

Tuesday, I was in a training session at work that was largely not applicable to me.  Being an immature sort, I was chatting away on my BlackBerry.  Joseph and I had quite the conversation.  Said conversation led to our indulging in a bit of simultaneous naked camera time, which we haven't done in god knows how long.

I always seem to feel particularly vulnerable after engaging sexually with Joseph.  Intellectually, I know that he's attracted.  He's told me as such - and shown me.  I apparently need more aftercare than he's capable of providing from where he is, and I'm not sure if I mean that physically or emotionally.  Probably a bit of both, now that I think about it.  He's very much a "sensory" type - that is, his focus is on his senses.  His writing is full of those sorts of details - how things smell, taste, look, sound.  Me?  Not so much.  And I definitely am feeling vulnerable, four days later!

Basically, I need some reassurance.  Have I explicitly mentioned this?  Of course not.

But anyway, with the intensity of what's been going on this week, it's probably no wonder that both Hal and Joseph have been making regular appearances in my dreams.  I could live without waking up feeling like I'm in a bed surrounded by people.

Of course, I think I could happily live if that happened in reality on a regular basis, so maybe I shouldn't complain too much.

But when your first thought of the day is "jesus god have mercy" or a related variant, it's a little trying, I have to admit.

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