Saturday, February 05, 2011

Number 19 - someone who pesters your mind - good or bad

Oh Hal -

We, are going to get ourselves in to trouble.

Do I show up in your dreams, the way you show up in mine?  Do you wake up with my name on your lips and the uncanny sensation that if you open your eyes, you'll see me in your bed, the way I think I'll see you in mine?  When we touch, do you feel the same certain, unshakeable peace that I do?  That unutterable sense of right-ness?

I remain firmly convinced that you and I have known each other before, boyo.  You are so familiar to me, and have been from day one in this go-round.  When we first met, I was obsessed with figuring out who you were to me before, and the longer I know you, the less important that is.  I'm more interested in figuring out who you are now, in this life, for good or ill.  Who and what you will be to me this time.

I wonder that no one else talks about it.  What seems so obvious to me - does no one else see it?  Am I imagining everything?  Is this all some flight of my own fancy?  I feel as if we are pushing the limits of acceptable behavior so far, and yet no one has commented on it to me.  I have heard no gossip.  There have been no negative consequences and I cannot imagine that what we are doing really wouldn't be subject to any.  Am I really that wrong?

Do you know that the only other person who uses possessives in conjunction with my name is my husband?

Do you want me to be yours in more than words?

I know that the situation demands not only that we not be anything more to each other, but also that you not disclose any more than you already have.  My intuition is telling me that you'd like very much to do and be more with me, but I like hearing the words.  And no matter how often I am right, I doubt my own intuition very much.  I doubt my read of the situation without independent verification.

Do you think of me?  Do you reach out and wish you could touch me?  Do you want to call me a thousand times a day just to share a thought, an observation, something you know I'll laugh at?  Do you go home on the nights we work together, and smell just that hint of me on your clothes, on your skin, and does it make you smile?  Do you wonder how I taste?  Do you wonder what would happen if we kissed?

Do you fantasize about me?  Do you wonder what it would be like to touch all of me?  Do you wonder what it would feel like if I were touching all of you?

Do you wonder if I'm kinky, and how I'm kinky?  Do you think about what I'd look like with a collar around my neck and the leash in your hands?  What it would feel like to have me call you "Sir" and not just be kidding?  What it would feel like to have my lips around your cock and my hands on your skin and to fist your hands in my hair and finally, finally take me?  Do you wonder what kind of magic, what kind of fireworks we could make together?

I don't trust easily, and I trusted you from the moment we met.  I don't often let others touch me, and I let you touch me from the moment we met.  I know you, darling, I know you very well.

Do you know me?

Do you want to?

with love,


No comments: