I am my own sugar daddy

Everyone has their issue that tweaks them out. For some people it's food or weight, others it's emotional stuff. For me it's money.

I freak my shit out if I am not working. I also freak it out if I don't have enough money in savings. I am one of those people that is scared to look at my bank statements even when I know there should be money in there. I haven't balanced my checkbook since sometime near when I first got a checking account, and quite frankly, have no interest to. Hate money, hate dealing with it.

Somehow, all the bills for the house are in my name. What the hell, people.

I also go through phases with how I spend money. For the past, oh, four months or so, I have been in a "I HAVE NO MONEY I WILL NOT SPEND IT" phase. No buying drinks, no extra things, just paying the bills, buying gas, the usual. This is good, because it means that I have money. This is bad, because it means that I don't like to buy groceries and things of that nature.

This week has been a "holy crap, I have lots of money, I can buy some of this stuff!" phase. See, I keep a list of things I need/want to get. Things like new tires for my car, a headboard, new bras, pieces of furniture, new shoes. You know. Stuff. And I bought some stuff this week.

I bought a pair of nice, work-appropriate black heels, and a very nice pair of work-mildly-appropriate-good-thing-I'm-young-for-the-office high-heeled, knee-tall boots - with lace-up backs. Also am buying a baker's rack for my kitchen (that I've wanted for about three years), and a new bedframe/headboard for my bed (again, wanted it about three years).

You know, if I ever got a Master that rationed me on purchases, I would so not have an issue, 'cause I do it to myself. Christ.

Clearly, I need to find some balance here. Feast or famine is not the way to go. On the plus side, I have a retirement account, I have two savings accounts, and my health insurance is about to get cheaper. But still, need to fix this.

In the meantime, I am going to go see how my new boots look with that black leather skirt I bought last year, that has been waiting for the perfect pair of shoes.