I've seen it before

Last night I wound up conking out for sleep by 11:30, which is rather early for me. Considering that normally I'm working until 11, that's wicked early. Still, I'd only gotten three hours of sleep the night before, and I had been up early, so nothing worrying.

I fell asleep with the full knowledge that I'd miss Joseph if he came online, and while that ensaddened me, I went to sleep anyway. I alluded in my last post to some history there, and what that was really about was that any time he and I get pseudo-eInvolved in any way, I get all crush-y and romantic. Well, as romantic as I get, anyway.

Now, I'm fully aware that he lives with his girlfriend (maybe ex? who knows) who happens to have borne his child. That, naturally, complicates things for me. I despise the thought of being "the other woman". But at the same time, it rather entertains me. He was attracted to me long before he met her, after all, and that attraction, as far as I can tell, has done nothing but intensify. Besides which, ultimately it's his problem if he runs in to trouble there; we're all adults, after all, and responsible for our own actions.

I am an awful, awful person. Except I don't feel that way.

Anyway, this morning my sleep cycle was all kinds of messed up, since I'd retired so early last night. Thankfully, I woke up around 6, to discover my power had gone out. I was wide awake, and decided to go back to sleep. I woke up three more times before my alarm at 10, and each time, it was from dreams of Joseph. Lovely dreams, really. The kind of dreams that make a woman smile and feel luxurious and langorious. And hopefully harbingers of what could happen this summer, if he flies out here to visit. I want them very much to come true. I'm back in the throes of my crush. Perhaps not as bad as it's been in the past (and it's been downright awful), but oh, it's there.

Still, I need to reassert the practicalities of the situation. He lives thousands of miles away, with the mother of his child (mother of his child, did I mention that? And that the kid is not even preschool-aged? Okay) and is older than me and blah blah blah. Right now I don't care. He's attractive anyway, and knowing that he's got the hots for me, as they say, just makes him more attractive. I think I'll spend my commute daydreaming.