Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Otis Redding Cover

I typically enjoy being non-stereotypical, so when I'm forced to admit that I'm a pretty standard female in some area, it's been known to irritate me.

One of my hangups, if you can even call it that, is that, in stereotypical female style, I very closely associate sex with intimacy. I'm self-aware enough to realize that they are not equivalent, and you can have one with the other. In fact, I've got a few examples up my sleeve of intimacy without sex. But none of sex without intimacy.

In fact, the entire thought of having "unattached" sex is... well, somewhat uncomfortable and abhorrent. Oh, I'm not condemning anyone who chooses to do so. After all, I'm a flaming liberal pagan social worker; so long as you're happy with your choice and it's not hurting anyone, rock yourself on. But for me? Uh... I'll pass?

The worst part is, fairly often I think to myself how much fun it would be to have gratuitous, non-emotional sex. Whether with strangers, or simply a fuckbuddy, whatever, I think it might be nice to have just some straight-up sex, without getting all those pesky emotions tangled up in it. I just think I'd feel desparingly guilty afterwards, which would rather defeat the purpose. And I also think I'd be stuck on trying to pursue a "relationship" with the male in question, which again, defeats the purpose. See also: history with Joseph. We haven't even had actual sex, but damn if I didn't catch myself acting like a jealous girlfriend once in a while with him.

Of course, I could be wrong. I'm rather hoping that I am, or else my plans for this summer involving Joseph are going to be a lot less enjoyable than they could be.

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