Tuesday, August 08, 2006

War on estrogen

I got back into town on Sunday night, and wound up crying. I was immediately overwhelmed by a huge wave of homesickness. I wanted to go back outside, pack up the rest of my stuff in my car, and start driving for home again.

I've never been one for homesickness. We never moved when I was a child, so the house I grew up in is still there, is still the home I go back to. I moved a thousand miles away, and never even really batted an eye. Sure, there were times when I got all wistful, and missed things about home, but never outright homesickness.

This was serious though. I wound up in tears over it. I never cry; I decided a long time ago that I was all set with crying, and I wasn't going to do it anymore, thank you kindly. The crying was what made me sit down and think about what the hell was going on, because jesus, breaking out in tears is seriously not okay. I am not that at-one with my femininity and emotions, okay?

Part of it is that I'm getting older (yeah, I'm so damn ancient at 25, woo), and want babies. My mother had two kids by my age, so I'm feeling a little behind. Part of it was that I really, really hate my job - or rather, some of the people I work with, who unfortunately are the ones who can really affect my position. Part of it was just that it's time to go home. I get along quite well in my current city, and it's great and all, but there truly is no place like home.

And part of it was because I spent an entire week at my parents' house, following my dad around, messing with power tools, sleeping in, playing video games, and eating out almost every night.

Oh, and hormones. Did I mention hormones? 'cause I think I'm getting hormonal.

For now I've contented myself with moving back when I'm done with grad school (although I'm less than impressed with them; don't be surprised if I withdraw and start over somewhere else), which is in three years. It's a long time, but by that point, some of the other details (like marriage, kids, house-buying, etc.) should be falling in to place, I hope.

1 comment:

Hannah said...

Hormones suck, yah?

*hugs* hang in there.