Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Time to take her home

It used to be, when I was younger, that I could simply drive my problems away. If I was having a particularly rough night, and needed out, I could hop in the car, put it on the highway, and peg the fucking thing and be done with it. I'd return home refreshed, relaxed, and able to re-tackle my life. Gas was cheap and plentiful, the car was made for cruising, and my parents didn't pay that much attention to when I got home from work.

The last time I updated was one of those nights where I needed desperately to escape, so since I have a car again (for the first time in like, eight years), I decided to see if it still worked. I got myself on the highway and just drove.

I wound up in the next state over. The radio was playing shit, there were too many cars out to really speed a lot, and all the time, I realized that I couldn't just drive away from my problems. Growing up truly is a bitch and a half.

I also realized I forgotten the $10 I'd just taken out of the ATM at home. Worse, my debit card was at home, which was now about an hour and a half away, and therefore useless. I did the entirely classy thing of paying for a large fries and small Coke at McDonald's entirely in change. I have a change purse. It's pretty empty right now.

Still, when I got home, I did feel better about life. There's still a lot of shit, but I at least escaped the same four walls for a while, and that can't be discounted. And since then, I've made some strides towards fixing what's wrong, instead of just running from it or hiding. Hopefully I can make it a habit. It's a lot harder to speak the truth than to soft-pedal someone with a glib lie. And lying is always so easy; it always has been.

Tomorrow is a bonus day off of work (the only reason I'm awake right now is because I was in the emergency room with one of my kids until nearly two). I believe I will get up, work on my chairs, clean my room a bit, and blog about Jay, because clearly I am far below quota on mentions of him these past weeks. But first, I sleep. Lots.

1 comment:

Hannah said...

I like to drive, too. The problems are still there, but it gives me the space and the quiet to talk to myself about them.

Good luck, darling. Holler if you need a shoulder.