Back in satin

Remember a few days ago how I got back into the proverbial swing of things with my slight (more than slight) medical fetish?

A part of that was sending out an email over a certain Yahoo! group, stating my general location, and that I was seeking a thourough, realistic exam. And now we come to another of my many sins.

The odds of me actually following through on any of the offers I may receive from this email are slim to none. Of course I fantasize about a "real" exam. But to go get one, from a stranger I met on the Internet? Not so much. And let's not talk about the whole "cheating whore" aspect, either, okay? I already know. I've also already thought about it, and the thought of cheating on anyone I'm exclusively fucking, especially J, is anathema to me.

Nonetheless, I have an insatiable curiosity. Too bad it often runs to "let's see what happens if...", involving many people. So, I sent out that email last week.

I've gotten 9 responses in the past two days.

One of them actually raised my faith in humanity a bit. It's from an experienced player in the scene, saying he's glad I know what I want, but warning me of the dangers of some of the activities I expressed interest in. It was polite, truthful, and actually pretty nice. Like I said, it raised my faith in humanity. I'm glad that there are still decent people out there - well, decent for the internet, anyway.

The rest were a mixture of poor spelling and lasciviousness, mostly. From my experience, when you announce that you're a submissive in any way, shape or form in some sort of public forum online, 98% of the "dominants" assume that you're a doormat and desperate, and stupid in the bargain. Just by emailing you and addressing you as "slave", "slut", "whore", you will automatically be subservient to them and start following their bidding. You're a slave, that's what you do, right?

Sure it is. When I'm with someone I trust, and whom I know quite goddamn well. No one on a mailing list or personals site qualifies for that. Let me repeat that: no one on a mailing list or personals site qualifies for that.

Trust is built up over time. Trust can only happen when you start to really get to know a person. You don't really know that person who just responded to your personal ad - just like they really don't know you. Sometimes that last part is really obvious by what they include in their message. I've had guys email me "id luv to fuck ur ass u little slut" when my profile specifically says that I don't do anal. Obviously reading is not fundamental (nor is spelling, nor is grammar).

So when I get emails from people who obviously aren't concerned with anything but how they can get off, I immediately delete them. It might be considered rude, but I figure by not even showing me a modicum of respect from the get-go, they were rude first and I am well within my rights to respond in kind. I find it very difficult to respect anyone who believes it's perfectly fine to show me absolutely none.

There was one emial in this particular batch that I was interested in though. Not only did he tell me where he was, how much experience he had, and how much stuff he had, he told me exactly what process he uses to sterilize it, and outlined the general proecedures he uses for the more dangerous things. I was fairly impressed, truthfully. He seemed to know what he was talking about with the sterilization, which gives me the impression that he actually does it. He would have to travel though, and I seriously doubt that he'd arrange to have an actual exam table travel with him. There goes that idea.

Another was appealing and frightening at the same time. The guy has a table, and then goes on to tell me how he's got all sorts of leather restraints for it, and how maybe I could come dressed up as a secretary going for a work physical and then I could see the table and not want to do it and he'd strap me to it anyway and cut off my clothes. It's a nice little fantasy, even if it does have that "playrape" flavour to it. But I'm not going to let a near stranger restrain me in any way, nor do I have enough money to spare to just have clothing cut off of me. Sure, I could meet him for coffee or something, get to know him, etc. and so on, but I think it's a bad sign if you're starting off this way. What, are you trying to scare me away from you?

What I didn't get from any of the responses was exactly what I wanted: a practitioner near to where I live, with a real exam table, in possession of various specula and other medical instruments, who could give me a relatively realistic exam - and then go a bit beyond that. You know, gyno takes advantage of the woman on the table. I don't want to have sex with any of these guys, but is it too much to ask that we play doctor and then you make me orgasm? I don't think so.

Ah well. I should know by now that finding things of this nature online isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe I'll get off my ass and start going to the local munches; make some friends, and find someone that way.

That would of course require me to leave my house...