Monday, May 17, 2004

The water's fine

I'm not quite done mentally processing this weekend, but I don't think I will be until I force myself to think coherently enough about it to write.

So I spent this weekend in a collar.

As I'd mentioned earlier, J and I wanted for me to spend a weekend in submission. After my entry late Friday night/very early Saturday morning, I went to bed, waking J up accidentally in the process. Since he'd already been sleeping for six hours at that point, and the next day wasn't a work day, I didn't feel too guilty. I brought up the subject of the weekend again.

For a few hours, we danced around the subject and each other. What I really wanted out of the discussion was contract terms, although I was loathe to actually write anything down. It smacked a little too much of permanence. I poked and prodded until eventually I got him to tell me what he was expecting out of me for the weekend.

The list was short, which was how, frankly, I wanted it. I'm an independence junkie; quitting cold turkey would just lead me into some very ugly withdrawal territory. The list wound up as follows:

  • I'd be naked at all times, except when we were out of the house or I was in the kitchen cooking.
  • I would be wearing the collar at all times, except when we were out of the house.
  • I had to ask permission to eat or to orgasm. (J wanted me to ask for everything, but I vetoed that; I'd just get ridiculously pissed off if I had to do that at this point.)
  • I had to follow orders without any backtalk.
  • No tickling, picking at, or teasing of J for the weekend. (Difficult, as he's extremely ticklish, and I enjoy taking advantage of this fact.)

Since we've already discussed limits and all that, and from past experience have a pretty good idea of what we both enjoy, we didn't bother rehashing that. We'd also decided against my calling him "Sir" or "Master" all weekend, because I couldn't stop giggling when he just brought it up. We figured giggling would sort of ruin the mood.

After the discussion of terms, J looked at me, then got up and got the collar. We have two - he grabbed the lockable one, and locked it on. One of the keys is on my keyring, and the other we keep in my jewelry box. I am happy to say that I was only once tempted to take it and unlock myself, and that was Saturday night because it was 90 and humid and sweat is uncomfortable when the breeze can't get to it because there's leather in the way.

I put him back to sleep Friday night with a blowjob - after he'd grabbed the ring in the collar and brought my head down to his cock. Giving him blowjobs turns me on anyway, and being led around by a collar and eventually facefucked just increases the arousal factor. I got to go to sleep very horny and unfulfilled, and woke up in the same manner.

I usually keep my pussy completely shaved, but J had requested that I didn't touch it up before the weekend, because he wanted to shave it himself. After he'd done so, he grabbed the ben-wa balls on a string and a butt plug, as well as some rope. Then we walked down to the drugstore to pick up some pictures I needed for the apartment condition report. That was... interesting. I had a great moment in the store, though. I got caught in a conversation with the store clerk and an older woman who was in line behind me, about the heat and humidity, and as I was talking with them I had this little awareness in the back of my head that I had a rope around my waist and through my crotch, and it was holding things in that would likely give them extreme pause. I was considerably more cheerful in the store than I usually am out in public.

After we got home, I got left in the rope and toys for a while. That was fine; I sat in the living room with my laptop and amused myself. J came and got me when he wanted to play more though. I got untied from what I was in, then had my hands tied together and to the bedframe as I was on all fours. I will say here that I absolutely love the rope flogger. Partly because I am proud that I made it, and partly because it is, for me, a fabulous instrument. It is all thud, and I love thud like I love cock. I zoned out and just enjoyed getting worked over.

After warming me up, J got out our version of a cane - the little rod you use to adjust the angle of blinds. You know the kind, about 2.5 feet long and made of plastic. Hey, we're poor and it was free, and there weren't any little metal bits in it. Me, I could live without it. Canes are stingy, even when it's not the tip that's hitting your ass. Stingy hurts, and I am not by any stretch of the imagination a pain slut. Maybe he thought I was getting too relaxed and enjoying myself too much. I can deal with taps from the middle of the cane nearly anywhere, but if the tip makes contact, yowch. I made my discomfort known, not that it did me too much good. It wasn't to the point where I'd even considered using my safeword, but it did hurt - enough to make me screech and hiss.

We eventually progessed to other things, but the session ended with me on my back, legs tied spread apart, and gagged, and J had a bottle of lube in one hand and a latex glove on the other. Let me also say that I really love my g-spot. I also enjoyed that J did not give me permission to orgasm the first time I asked (begged), as he has in the past. I actually had to wait this time, which reinforced that I was not in charge, which just pushed me closer.

After an orgasm that made me look like an epileptic, J informed my now incapable-of-speech self that he wasn't done with me. I responded by passing the fuck out. He wisely decided to let me stay that way, because a post-orgasmic passing out is not something I am easily woken from.

After I woke back up about an hour later and cooked us dinner, I again got the pleasure of putting him to sleep with a blowjob. We both slept until nearly five this evening, and had french toast for breakfast/dinner at about 7. That's because we're mature responsible adults.

Overall, it really was a good weekend. I enjoyed the fact that J stepped it up and actually smacked me on the hand or ass when I acted up, which I did a few times as much out of habit as anything else. And while I didn't completely give up my freedom, the fact that I had a collar locked on all weekend was a pleasant reminder that I wasn't completely my own person either, however temporarily. I'm relieved to know that I can spend more than a few hours in a submissive state without freaking. I only once refused to do something, and that was do jumping-jacks with the balls and plug in. I'm, shall we say, the owner of "great tracts of land", and jumping-jacks even with a bra are dangerous and painful. For the rest of the weekend though, I had this nearly Zen-like peace about me, that it didn't matter what J was going to do to me, it was going to happen regardless and it was what he wished. More importantly, it was my role to comply with those wishes, and take it as gracefully as I could, knowing full well that he wasn't going to dish out anything I couldn't handle.

I wouldn't mind continuing with the collar, but I think it's a good idea that we stopped on Sunday night. Now we can take a step back evaluate, etc. I'm already thinking that for next time I'd like a few more restrictions placed on me, like not having as much free time to myself. I'd also like to go for longer than 48 hours. Now that I know J and I can do it, that fear is gone.

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