Thursday, May 13, 2004

Out of control

Not only was down earlier today, they decided to delete my Blogroll. Awesome. Because, you know, I hadn't spent a non-trivial amount of time getting it set up in the first place. Jerks. And it's not letting me recreate it either. According to News, there was a security vulnerability yesterday, and some "unknown problem" today. Awesome.

But back to happier thoughts.

Heard back from one of the more sentient replyers to my medical fetish email of last week. I'd sent him back a note saying that he sounded interesting and may be able to give me what I want, but since he would have to travel, rather than have him come out here, I was curious if he could further describe some things he mentioned in his email - procedures, equipment and the like.

He emailed me back and said "Your response is very unusual. Whenever I contact someone about this, they generally respond in a completely different manner. Do you just like reading about this sort of thing, or do you actually want an exam?"

Weeeeellll... yes and no. I certainly do enjoy reading about these things - and I wish Literotica had more of it. It's great fantasy material.

At the same time, since I do want to go through with an actual exam - whether by J or someone else, that remains to be seen - I'm a bit frightened of that. Since in most cases, fear comes from lack of knowledge, I'm trying to go about getting more knowledge. If I know what's going to happen, I can work on not being scared of it. So, we're back to reading.

I do want to go through with it though - like I said, whether with J or someone else, that remains to be seen. We don't exactly have access to some of the more "realistic" equipment, and that's a pretty serious portion of the fantasy. At the same time, I don't want to do it with anyone else, because dammit, I like J (love).

If I don't manage to come clean about this in the next few days, it won't be an issue anymore. I've noticed that my fixations and fetishes run in cycles - for a while I'll be really into spanking, then hypnosis, then medical, then leather, then something else, and on and on and on. The pagan in me says that's only natural - everything else moves in cycles, why shouldn't this. I know it can be confusing for other people though. There's been more than one instance where one day I'll tell J that I really really would love a spanking, but three days later he tries it and I'm not happy at all.

But anyway, if I don't manage to express this desire to J this time around, there's always the next cycle.

And to close on a really happy note - because I'm a big dork - thanks to orchidea and Danor (Lovesongs for Underdogs) for linking to me. I'm all cute and happy right now because I'm all like "Squee! Someone else reads and enjoys this! Hooray!"

Definitely a dork. Now to just get that Blogroll working again...

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