Emotional echo

I'm one of those people that has at least a half-a-dozen projects in the works at any given time. I've always got these great ideas, and I'll enthusiastically start them - which means I give up on the last great idea or three, putting it aside.

But today, I am going back and tying up a few of those loose ends, blog-wise.

About three months ago, I had a draft of an entry, filled with big huge things that had happened that day. There were too many, so instead I just focused on one of them. But anyway, going back to that, the first three "big things" had to do with my relationship with Jay, such as it is.

Wait, no, she's blogging about that? Quelle surprise. Maybe we should call someone.

I'd decided that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with Jay again. That verdict still stands, as does the qualifier - "I get the feeling that at some point I will be, but this is definitely not that point."

The reasons are varied and myriad. Yes, he's become more mature in his personal life, but I don't think he's quite caught up yet. It's still too easy to fall back into old patterns, positive and negative. My parents do not approve.

That last may seem strange - after all, I'm an adult, living on my own, financially independent, etc. and so on. Why the hell should I care about my parents? Well, because they're smart people, and they love me, dammit. I got reminded of that today - I did a portion of a research study about childhood memories, and I got to talk about how wonderful my childhood was. It was far from perfect, but it was wonderful. And especially in my field, I've really gotten a chance to see what passes for parenting on the average, and have grown a huge appreciation for my parents, and the childhood they provided me.

So when Mom and Dad say that something isn't a good idea, I don't take it lightly. On the flip side, when they approve of something, it certainly weights my decision in favor of it - see also my car. If I had told my father about it, and he had said that I should run in the opposite direction, I likely would have. Instead, he said that it would be a good bargain, so that tipped the scales so that I bought it.

Same goes with Jay. Ultimately, it's my decision, and my parents will respect that. And they like him as a person - he's visited them before, and in fact my extended family likes him as well - but not as a person dating or otherwise involved with me in a romantic fashion. Their concerns mirror mine, which just validates them more strongly in my head.

Too bad it's only my head that is saying "Stay the hell away! What the hell is wrong with you." My body and heart are going "Yay! We like this." It. Sucks. How the hell am I supposed to be intelligent about this when every time we have sex, it feels like coming home.