Friday, July 21, 2006

Getting the hell out of Dodge

Saturday, I go on vacation. No, Joseph isn't flying out here, which as I mentioned, doesn't ultimately surprise me. So instead, I made plans of my own, which involve me going on a vacation all by myself, which is really what I prefer anyway.

It starts off with Jay, though. He's taking me to a show I want to see on Saturday night, then dropping me off so that I can travel to my actual vacation destination. For not-dating, we certainly see a lot of each other.

Honestly, I think my relationship with him is better when I don't have an official one. There are so many fewer expectations to run afoul of. And I think that's what really did us in - my expectations. I have lots of them. Lots of very high expectations. And I have plans, big plans, for how I think things should go. When I was younger, I would be absolutely enraged when things did not go according to my plans. I never threw tantrums, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't absolutely horrid at times. I have a bit of a temper, shall we say.

I still have the temper, but I've learned a great deal more control and finesse. And while I still don't like my plans ruined, it doesn't usually ruin my entire day (or week, or month... you get the picture). Anyway, in a relationship, I find that I have lots of expectations for my partner, and that Jay had some serious trouble living up to them. Admittedly, some were probably a touch unrealistic. So the fault is not entirely his.

Since he's simply in the role of "straight male close friend", there's considerably fewer expectations I place on him, and consequently, I'm considerably happier. So I will continue to date him, without really dating him, because it makes my life a whole hell of a lot happier.

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