Saturday, April 01, 2006

Oh, well shit.

Look at me, I haven't updated in over a year! Wheeeeee!!!

I don't really have any good reasons. Sorry. All I can say is that I did this with my other journal too, and now that I'm past that year of letting it languish on the vine, I'm much better about updating it. Hopefully that holds true over here, because there are somethings that my actual, real-life friends just don't need to read.

Probably the most important thing that happened was that in May of last year, I broke up with J. On his birthday, which was so unbelievably classy I don't even have the words to describe it. I had finally gotten fed up with the fact that he was still living with me, and hadn't worked in over a year. Over a year, people. This was a long time coming.

My least favorite thing about him has always been his irresponsibility. I'm one of those damned older children that is hyper-responsible, so someone who was an only child (an only child! Aren't they supposed to be hyper-oldests?) who was completely irresponsible and unmotivated drove me completely nuts. I was turning into a shrew of the highest order, and quite frankly, I didn't like it. So for the both of us, I ended it.

I actually cried, which is highly unusual. He didn't, but I didn't really expect him to. It's been at least six years since I've met him, and he hasn't cried once. And I tried a lot when we were together.

He lived with me until the end of August, when the lease was up. I shamelessly still had sex with him. Lots of it. Lots of very, very good sex. Which was probably my worst idea to date, but it was fun, and it drove my other roommate up the wall. I have a healthy streak of schadenfreude, it seems. My other roommate, who still hates J very much so.

Anyway, J moved out in August, taking his huge desk with him, and went back to his parents' house, because, oh right, he still didn't have a job, nor did he have any money left to pay rent. We talked once in a while, because despite everything, I still can't bring myself to hate him and cut him out of my life. Some days, I get really angry with myself about that.

Which brings us to the present moment. In the past month and a half, J has suddenly turned into, well, an adult. He has a job - salaried, no less! - where he does actual work, which could actually be, you know, career-related. And he's leasing a car. A brand-spanking-new car. It's pretty hot. I'm jealous of the car.

I'm disconcerted by the change. Is it what I wanted? Oh, absolutely. But it was a little sudden, and it's a big adjustment. It's still a little weird, although I can pull off "so how was work today?" much easier now. Not really sure how I feel about the whole issue, though. I'm stuck in a position of "wait and see", which I damn well hate.

I'm also still gainfully employed, with the kids, except that I got myself promoted, so now my hours are completely different, I have way too much more responsibility, and still not enough pay. Some days I like my job. Some days it makes me physically ill. And that's about all I can say about that.

Back to work. No rest for the wicked (okay that's a lie; wicked people rest all the time).

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