Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Who wouldn't stand inside your love?

For the past month or so, I've taken to seeing Jay pretty regularly. Since I unceremoniously dumped his ass (on his birthday! That still entertains me, in a very perverse sort of way), I've kept up with talking to him and whatnot, as I have mentioned. But since he was living half an hour away with his parents, I didn't see him very much.

Last month, Jay got himself a car, and as soon as he possibly could, offered to pick me up from work on a Friday night and spend some time with me. Not having to face the rigors of public transportation after midnight appeals to me, so I accepted his offer graciously and thankfully, and proceeded to spend my workday slightly gleeful that I was getting a ride home. Jay picked me up, took me home, and we proceeded to fuck each other senseless, repeatedly.

Did I mention that there's still plenty of sparks there? Okay, good.

Since then, I've seen him once or twice a week. Anyway, the point of this entry was a visit last week, on Tuesday. I wound up working until 6 in the evening, which is highly late for Tuesdays for me, so Jay picked me up directly from work. I was exhausted, and starving. We came home to my place, ordered up some food. I devoured a chicken caesar wrap, after unwrapping it and stating that it was far too large to ever be completely consumed. We ate on one of my couches in the living room, because at the time my dining room table was covered with assorted crap that I hadn't gotten around to cleaning up and putting away somewhere in the past nine months.

After we ate, we sat on the couch, me leaning my head on Jay's shoulder, his arms around me. I can only take so much silence, so after a while I asked "What are we doing?" Jay being a literalist with a sense of humor, answered "Sitting on the couch." "That's not what I meant and you know that."

More silence ensued. I had asked becuase I've been pretty adamant that I don't want to date Jay, at least not right now. When I broke up with him, it was with the understanding that I wasn't going to get back together with him like last time - or if I did, it would be years down the road, after he grew up and started matching my maturity and responsibility level. I've been wavering on that position. A lot. Jay's been reminding me of all the things I really do love about him, and now that he's got a job... well, it's hard, okay?

"Nothing," he answers.


"Well," he says, "I know you're not ready to date me right now. And that's okay. I'm ready to wait until you are. And in the meantime, do nothing."

I wouldn't exactly classify what we've been doing as nothing, although we have specifically said that it is without strings, and each of us is free to do whatever - which is part of the reason why I've been going out on dates with non-Jay people.

"Who's waiting for who?"

"What?" he asks.

"Well, I've been waiting for you to grow the hell up."

"So have I. I guess I'm waiting for both of us, then."

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