I am growing cilantro.

Jay spent last weekend over here. I'd been promising him for about a month that if he picked me up from work on a Saturday, we'd get to sleep in on Sunday, and I kept signing up for shifts on Sunday (in fact, I'm signed up for one this week as well). So finally, this was our chance.

He picked me up Saturday, and we decided to go to Ikea, because they were having a sale and I'd had my eye on some chairs there for a while, and I finally had enough disposable cash to get them. He immediately was impressed by the entire concept of affordable furniture packed to be easily transportable. I bought the chairs, some rugs, some excellent glass containers, a couple of other things. It was a good time.

While we were on our way out there, Elizabeth called me, to remind me that I'd said I was going out with her tonight. It was the birthday of one of the women in one of her grad classes, and she'd invited me along for moral support. "Mind if Jay tags along?" I asked, sure that I would get the affirmative reply that I did. So Jay stopped at his house for real clothes, and we went back to my place to get ready.

After Ikea, I kind of wanted to just curl up and sleep already, but instead I dolled up for the bar. I even wore a skirt. It was some impressive shit. Unfortunately the night was a bust, and I was home and in bed by 1.

Jay and I did sleep in on Sunday. And that's about all we did. I seriously think I was awake for all of three hours that day. And we slept in late on Monday, too. The two important things to note: that was the best, most refreshing and relaxing sleep I've had in a while, and I also had no desire to have sex with Jay. None.

Plenty of fantasies about Joseph though, hoo lord.

Anyway, on Monday night, after going back to Ikea to return some things and failing, Jay did tie me up and attempt to fist me. We came to the same conclusion as last time; namely that it likely won't work until I've popped out some kids. Unlike last time, I didn't feel the need to apologize, and the event was followed by a seriously excellent conversation and aftercare. Honestly, it's one of the most open, honest, and serious conversations I've ever had with Jay.

It was nice to be able to spend the weekend with him, and not feel guilty for being attracted to someone else, not feel torn about getting back together with him, not being unsure of where I stood. I more or less solidified some of my feelings about Jay - I care about and for him, deeply, but I am not in love with him, nor do I feel the need to be.

It's about time that got settled. It makes me a much happier person when I know at least a little bit of what's going on.

As for the title - I am growing an herb garden. I bought a kit, because I am lazy. But I am growing cilantro, even though I have no idea what I would use it for, just to get Joseph's goat. He fucking loathes cilantro. I can't wait to see his reaction when he finds it growing in my house.