Yes, he is for real.

He ate my damn cool whip.

I bought some cool whip on sale about a week ago, to go with the strawberries and dessert shells that I got on sale. It's summer, that means strawberry shortcake, bitches. I made some for me and Jay last weekend, and it was good. I used no more than half of the cool whip, even factoring in the two doses of strawberry-and-cake-and-sugar goodness I made for myself last week.

Tonight, I ventured into the fridge to kill the last dessert shell, as well as make a dent in the new pound of strawberries I bought yesterday. I grab the cool whip container, and it is suspiciously light.

I open it up: suspicions confirmed.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I am relatively sure that this was heard up to ten miles away.

There are a measly two tablespoons of cool whip left.

He ate my damn cool whip.

He being Chris, the roommate that I hate, who maybe I should tell isn't living here next year.

The cool whip joins a long list of my food that has been violated by Chris, including an entire box of Nilla Wafers, a sleeve of Chips Ahoy!, and an entire bag of tortilla chips.

I have since taken to storing food in my room, whenever possible. This is bad, because it encourages me to eat in my room, which was a habit I'd gotten out of after college, and one that I am not pleased to have picked up again. However, it does prevent food stealing pretty effectively. I am not so rich that I don't care when someone pilfers my shit.

I wrote a note on the whiteboard in the kitchen. Pretty simple. "What happened to my damn cool whip."

I heard him moving about shortly after I wrote it, and stayed in my room, because I was not in the mood for a direct confrontation (I need to get over that).

He wrote a reply.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think you would be so angry."

I left that up there for Rabbit to see tomorrow when she gets home from vacation, and responded.

"Yeah, except it's not the first time that food of mine has just disappeared. If you want some, please ASK. Don't just take - it's wicked rude and inconsiderate."

You would think this would be standard roommate etiquette - if you didn't pay for it, and you don't have permission, you shouldn't be eating it. Obviously I was wrong.